Confessions of a Fanboy

It gets lost in the insanity of the famous “This world is bullshit” speech at the MTV Music Awards that Fiona Apple has a hell of a voice and her debut, Tidal was a striking and occasionally brilliant record.

I first hear this record, and song, while I was working at a music store in Colorado during the much-discussed “Dark Period.” One of my co-workers was smitten with this record and she played it regularly on the in-store system. Believe me when I say this is not the kind of record I would have found on my own. I had traded most of my hair metal CDs in for grunge and alternative CDs, but they were still male-oriented, dude rock. I’m sure the sensitive Eddie Vedder would cringe at being called dude rock, but he is a dude and Pearl Jam did rock- except for No Code, which was the album out at that time. I’m getting off the subject. Despite moments of fierceness, Tidal was far too mellow a record for me- except that I came to love it.

“Shadowboxer” was, is, and probably always will be my favorite song from this record. I know, “Criminal” was the big hit. I liked “Criminal” at the time, but it never did as much for me as it did the mass audience. “Shadowboxer” seemed to speak to me more, even if I didn’t entirely understand what she was on about.

But, oh, it’s so evil, my love, the way you’ve no reverence to my concern
So I’ll be sure to stay wary of you, love, to save the pain of
Once my flame and twice my burn

I can’t give you a literal interpretation of this passage, but I completely understand it because of the way it is delivered musically and vocally. It seems a bit… overwritten, but Apple was 18 or 19 when she recorded this album. She’s allowed to be a little over the top. The brilliance of producer Andrew Slater and collaborator Jon Brion help keep this melodramatic song interesting and engaging.

Apple’s piano is beautifully adorned by her mournful vocal and the added instrumentation of vibraphone and Chamberlin (spelled Chamberlain in the album credits). “Shadowboxer” could have been another angst-ridden lover’s lament. “Shadowboxer” rises above that through the richness in Apple’s voice, surprising depth for one so young, and the elegant musical flourishes.

I loved this song even before I knew I was living through what would become the “Dark Period.” My affection for it grew when it all came crashing down on me. Years later, I still find myself stunned by how good this song really is. It’s a pity that Apple’s seclusionist ways and occasional batshit looniness overshadow the great music she has created on her first three albums.

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