Confessions of a Fanboy

When people talk about the glass being half empty or half full, I like to tell people I just see a glass or ask them where the glass is. The truth is, I’m a “half-empty” sort. I wish I wasn’t. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s very easy for me to forget just how fortunate, blessed, and lucky I really am.

I got to thinking about that this morning while listening to Glen Phillips’ Winter Pays for Summer album, freshly glowing from the opportunity I got to interview him on Thursday. I haven’t gone back and listened to that interview — yet. Instead, I’ve been listening to the music.

It’s pretty incredible that I got an opportunity to talk to someone whose music has had such an impact on my life. Toad the Wet Sprocket sold millions of records. I don’t know about the sales figures for Glen’s solo records, but I’m quite certain I’m not the only one who has bought those. There are a lot of people who’ve bought his records and connected with them. They didn’t all get to talk to him directly and listen to him talk about the music. They didn’t get the opportunity to tell him personally just how much that music has meant to them. I did. I’m pinching myself as I sit here staring at this paragraph. It was an incredible experience. I still can’t believe it happened. It’s that half-empty thing that hangs over me, I guess.

I’ve spent the past few days wondering what he was thinking on his end of the conversation. He seems like a truly nice man, but I’ve assigned all sorts of unpleasant thoughts to him these past few days- unpleasant thoughts directed at me. I imagined him sitting in his living room thinking, “Oh, great, I’ve been roped in to spending my evening talking to a gushing doofus.” He probably has a better vocabulary than ‘gushing doofus, but that’s the G-rated version of it. Words like “dumbass” are actually closer to what was going through my mind. I imagined him sitting there, contemplating icepicks being jammed into sensitive body parts, praying for deliverance. I imagined him thinking, “I’m going to fire whoever it is that roped me into this. Yes, someone is getting fired tonight!” I never said my mind was a pretty place to visit. I should probably also add this is all said with a wry smile and a pinch of salt. It reads pretty humorless on the page, but I’m not quite that pathetic. Close, but not quite.

I’ve said it more than once on the show when I’ve interviewed guests that I feel like Chris Farley on the SNL sketches where he’d get so flustered interviewing the guests on his show because he couldn’t believe that anyone would take the time to sit and talk to him. I haven’t gone back and listened to the show because I’m afraid I’ll want to just die every time I listen to one of my questions or responses to Glen’s answers. To keep it in the SNL family, I kept thinking to myself, “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”

I still feel that way, a little. I still feel unworthy but rather than allowing those nagging self-doubts and pathetic inadequacies to rob me of the enjoyment of an amazing moment, I’m trying to pour a little more into the glass. I’m a lucky fan who got the chance to make a dream come true. Maybe I did flub the whole thing up, but maybe I wasn’t as pathetic as I’m afraid I might have sounded. Either way, I got a once in a lifetime opportunity and it’s something I’ll never forget. Better still, I have an archived copy of that night. I’ve just downloaded it and I’m going to try to get over myself so I can listen to it and re-live the experience… right after I finish listening to Winter Pays for Summer.

Filed under: Glen Phillips