The Recession Is Over: Hit The Stores and Get Your New U2 Record
Breaking news here at Fanboy World Headquarters: THE RECESSION IS OVER! Viva la capitalism! It’s freedom, baby!
The recession has to be over! How else do you explain my buying experience in the wee hours of March 3rd?
I left my house at quarter ’til March 3rd and headed for Walmart- the only 24-hour retailer in Adam Smith’s mecca, Huntsville, Alabama. I picked up a box of crackers, a padlock, and went back to the electronics/media section and asked the associate for the new record. You would have thought I was asking this woman to draft a Mideast peace accord, and if possible the combination to the vault at Fort Knox. She couldn’t believe I was asking for it. She couldn’t believe it when I told her someone else at a Walmart had provided this Herculean service in the past. Grudgingly, she sent someone to “look” for the CD.
I got a text message from 11. He got his copy from the Walmart in not-too-nearby Florence.
Tick… tick… tick. The associate tells me they’re having trouble finding the CD. I tell her Florence found it. She shrugs. Tick… tick… tick. Finally she reports back that they were unable to find it but offers to call me when they do. I was dumbfounded. I managed not to be hateful but didn’t disguise my annoyance. I wanted to tell her that apparently the employees in Florence were both smarter and more committed to customer service than Huntsville but I left, with the box of crackers and padlock sitting on the counter. I drove to the Madison Walmart.
I strolled back to the media/electronics section and there I found an associate :: wait for it :: stocking the shelves with new releases. I asked him for a copy of the CD. He informed he was pretty sure his pallet had nothing but DVDs. I asked him if he could look for the CD. He just stared back at me. Another associate came over and they proceeded to :: gasp :: look through the boxes on the pallet and would you believe they actually found a box with U2 CDs in it?
I was appreciative but incredulous. The Huntsville store is making so much money they couldn’t be troubled to find the boxes with merchandise their customers wanted to buy. The associates in Madison cared so little about making a sale they could barely be troubled to look through the boxes they were about to unload on to store shelves.
I know this U2 CD didn’t mean to them what it meant to me. I bet none of these folks dreamed that one day they might work in a Walmart store to pay their bills. What I don’t understand is how they could come to work in the CD/DVD area and act surprised when a customer asked them for a CD.
I don’t care that they aren’t excited to see me. I know they’re not getting cut in on the profits here in any meaningful way. On the other hand. It’s their job. I’m sorry if that sucks for them, really, but it’s not my fault.
Every story I hear on the news is that customers aren’t spending any money. Here I am with money in hand, ready to do my duty to God and country. Indifference is fine; the contempt was something else entirely.
The only conclusion I can draw is that America is on the rebound and our national nightmare is over. We’re back. We’re bad. We’re bigger and better than ever. Fear not, for I have overcome the recession. Bono, I couldn’t have done it without you. 2009 is our year. He and I are going to share that Nobel Prize. I promise you this: I won’t be buying Walmart stock with that prize money.
Unreal.
Filed under: Tags: No Line On The Horizon, U2
Wal-Mart – Satan’s other store…
Boy you said it, Chewie. My anger is still burning against them.
Oh damn, I didn’t even think about Walmart. Drove right past it, like I do every morning, and didn’t even consider stopping to pick up the U2 album. Now I have to wait until lunch or after work . . . (However, the few times I’ve tried to do the “before work purchase” at Walmart has failed miserably. No one around, and anyone in other departments had no clue how to even find anything, or shipments weren’t even going to arrive until 2pm! So maybe I’m better off.)
If there’s a recession, no one seems to know about it. I still see an awful lot of people buying really dumb, expensive things. I just saw several people buying 50+ inch TVs while walking out of Sam’s Club this weekend. Recession, my ass. Maybe they’re not buying houses, but they’re buying everything else..
I don’t know that it is entirely fair to compare Florence to the rest of the world, but I have never been shut out for a new release.
Poor Wal-Mart employees, nobody told them they were working in Fanboy country. Maybe next time you should send them a memo.
Apparently nobody told them they were working, period. I didn’t expect them to whittle a CD out of gouda; I just asked them to take shit out of a box and ring it up. I didn’t think my expectations of humanity could be any lower and I discover they’re still too fuckin’ high.
I didn’t expect them to whittle a CD out of gouda
ok, that was pretty funny.
unlike the rest of the story, which is kinda sad. some (maybe all?) of the blame has to be placed on management. i mean, they know this stuff comes out every week, so why not be ready for it?
Hathaway is on fire today, people. Gouda?
I have to side with THE MAN on this one; If you can’t work while you are at work, you need to go home.
There are plenty of people who would have been happy to go look for Hathaway’s record for $7 an hour.
11 & Josh,
As one who works in “higher education,” I can tell you the future of the world (or the state, at least) is in the hands of people who manage to accumulate 80+ hours of college credit coupled with a 1.65 or below GPA and whose career goals include law school or pharmacy school.
We are doomed…
I wouldn’t want a CD whittled out of gouda, no matter how nicely done it may be. The moment the laser hits it, there’d be melted gouda all over the inside of the CD player, and that is no go. . .uda.
The gouda line has a bit of an expiration date, Tom. No fair gravytraining my shit. I’m a boy with a dream and there’s only one trick to this pony. You’re going to have to back up off my set.
I will say this, though: I hear gouda mastering is much more like vinyl. Compression and violent EQ are a lot tougher create. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
‘Don’t knock it ’til you try it.’
I gave a friend of mine that advice just yesterday, but it had nothing to do with cheese or EQ …
I’m sure your usage was far better than mine, sir.